An Oldie but Goodie!

This was my very first blog post that I had ever written. It is a throwback but it is still very relevant for me today. Enjoy!

“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…”.

You remember the movie “8 Mile”? It is one of my favorites. I remember when I first watched it I felt so connected to the main character “Jimmy”. It wasn’t until recently I realized why.

During the opening credits Jimmy AKA B-Rabbit is in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror, preparing to battle, going over his delivery, hand movements etc. When he tries to reenter the club, it is clear that the bouncer and everyone else feels that he does not belong in this place. Finally when he gets on stage, all of his practicing and preparation goes out the window and HE CHOKES!

Throughout the movie, Jimmy’s life takes a few dramatic turns that challenges who he is and where he wants to be. Fast forward to the end of the movie, Jimmy takes the stage again. Before the battle begins, the host, Future, flips a coin and the winner decides who gets to go first. For the first two battles Jimmy, goes first. His opponents sees this as an opportunity to attack him and who he is so that he would choke when it is his turn to go. Jimmy won both of those battles and IT IS GOOD! You have to see it for yourself!

Before the last battle with the main challenger, Papa Doc, Jimmy’s friend ask, “Are you worried about what he will say?” When it is time to battle Papa Doc, Jimmy goes first. This is where it gets even better! Jimmy says everything that Papa Doc could possibly use against him. He confronted every insecurity, living in a trailer park with his mom, his girlfriend cheating on him, getting jumped by the Free World and his embarrassing friends. Then he exposes Papa Doc for the fraud that he is, the music cuts off and he says, "tell these people something they don't know about me." *drops mic*

Have you ever had an experience where you had to do something you knew you were called to do? You had the gift to do this thing but you were so concerned with what people would think that you did not do it at all?

OR

Have you ever had a moment you may not have necessarily cared what people thought but did not feel you were good enough?

Three years ago, I launched an event titled "BeInsecure". That year I discovered that I was gravely insecure and struggled to live out all that I desired to be because I always had these growing thoughts of inadequacy floating in the back of my mind. I love this movie so much because it is a perfect illustration of how I allowed those insecurities to have a seat at my table and hinder me from being everything that I know I could be. There's a scripture that says, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies". This was the "aha" moment I experienced. I know that the insecurities will come and go, but I do not have to grant them control over how I live my life.

I had this amazing revelation and I was going to do something about it. I created an entire event about exposing those insecurities and taking back control. Just like Jimmy, I was staring at myself in the mirror encouraging myself, trying to ignore those thoughts that I allowed to fester. But when it was my turn to live in this new reality, I choked! I gave up fighting and lived an entire year of being afraid of failing. I lived a life of holding everything inside, restricting access and refraining from exposing myself to others. I couldn't allow myself to be vulnerable because I was afraid of what others would think. I felt like I was barley making it so I couldn't allow the criticism of others in because I didn't know if or how I could handle it. I didn't feel like I belonged in rooms or connected with certain people.

With all of my experiences, I learned that it is a battle best fought offensively. I love that in the movie, they emphasize the importance and the difference when Jimmy goes first. I believe our best bet at winning in this battle is by attacking first.

When I was in high school I got into more fights than I would like to admit. I don’t mean verbal fights but fist clenching, pulling hair, physical fights. My mom would be so upset with me. My sister and I were always taught to never throw the first punch. But, you see, I was a tiny little thing in high school, so as far as I was concerned, the odds were stacked against me. Waiting to be hit was not an option for me. If me and another person got to this climatic point in our disagreement, where I knew beyond a doubt we were going to fight, I would, with everything I had, swing first. This is how we have to be in this battle. Now, I do not, in anyway, promote physical violence but when it comes to my life, I am swinging first at everything that I know could possibly come against me. It is in that last battle, Papa Doc chokes because Jimmy has already swung first, exposing everything about himself that Papa Doc could have used against him.

Most importantly, I have learned that this is not a "one and done" fight. This is something that I have to not just fight offensively but consistently. Before the conclusion of that year, I made the declaration that I would not stop fighting. That if I have to battle those insecurities everyday to be free of the mental imprisonment that it caused, I would.

I declare that every moment from now on, I will fight for me. I will fight for everything that God has predestined for my life. This Is For Me!

Love,

V